One of the new challenges I’ve seen with my clients (and have experienced myself) since the pandemic is the increasing number of people who are estranged from their family members. This disconnection can feel especially painful because, at a subconscious level, many of us are programmed with the belief that family comes first—that we should stay connected no matter what. When that bond becomes strained or even severed, it can leave a profound mark, bringing feelings of grief, guilt, confusion, and even anger.
I know how difficult this can be. Trust me. I've been there with my own son. So, today, I want to offer some strategies that can help you navigate this complex and often heartbreaking experience.
Here are my top tips for dealing with being disconnected from your family:
1) Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, or lost about the estrangement. Allow yourself to process the full range of emotions. Journaling or simply naming your feelings can help release them. Talk to a good friend, use music to help you express, scream, or cry if you feel inclined.
2) Define Your Boundaries
Estrangement often happens because boundaries are crossed, ignored, or disrespected. Get clear about your own needs and boundaries—it's okay to protect your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
3) Seek Professional Support
Working with a therapist, counselor, or hypnotherapist can help untangle the conflicting emotions that accompany family estrangement. A professional can help you better understand why these dynamics occurred and how to move forward without the subconscious baggage.
4) Find Supportive Connections
Surround yourself with friends or chosen family who understand and validate your feelings. Being part of a community can help fill the gap of family support and give you a sense of belonging.
5) Forgive, Not for Them, but for You
Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It's about letting go of anger and resentment so that you can find peace. You deserve that freedom, and it doesn't have to mean that what happened was okay.
6) Reprogram Your Subconscious Beliefs
When the subconscious believes that "family comes first no matter what," we may feel ongoing guilt or stress. Work on replacing this belief with something healthier, like: "I deserve relationships that nurture and respect me." Use affirmations, visualizations, or hypnosis to begin shifting this subconscious program.
7) Allow Grief to Have Space
Estrangement is a kind of loss, and grieving it is natural. Allow yourself to grieve the family relationship you wished you had, even if the estrangement was the healthiest choice for you.
Focus on Self-Care and Healing
Being estranged from your family can feel destabilizing. Reaffirm your own worth through self-care practices. Meditation, exercise, creative expression, and practicing gratitude can help you feel grounded during this time.
9) Reflect on What You Can Control
You can’t control how others behave or react, but you can control how you respond. Estrangement is often filled with the “shoulds”—should have said this, should have done that. Release what you cannot change, and focus instead on the positive steps you can take for yourself moving forward.
If you’re finding it difficult to navigate this experience, you’re not alone.
Disconnection from family is incredibly challenging, and it can help to have someone guide you through the process. I’m here to help if you want to explore working together. You can schedule a free consultation with me—no pressure, no strings attached—just a conversation to see if I might be able to support you on your journey. Reach out to me if you want help
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